Yes. I'm in My Underwear.
(Can someone please get her a sandwich?)
No, this isn't me, obviously.
Am I crazy!?
No. I'm fed up.
And yes, a little crazy. Posting a photo of myself in my underwear for the world to see is a little crazy. But keep reading. You'll see why.
Then you get to see me in my underwear. (If you're related to me, you might want to skip this one.)
I saw a segment on The Daily Show recently that fluffled my feathers a little. They did an okay job with the satire, but the satire didn't even come close to the feelings I felt when I watched it. You can see the segment here. It's about a trend that's supposedly "in" right now that belies a deeper, more insidious issue: the advent of the "dad bod."
The "dad bod" is defined as a guy who 'goes to the gym on occasion, but still enjoys his beer and nachos while watching NFL on Sundays.'
Some examples of "the dad bod:"
(The sexiest thing here is John Hamm is reading...yum)
(photos courtesy of www.eonline.com)
Apparently, women find this body attractive. I want to explore this new trend because it fascinates me. Personally, a man's body isn't what attracts me to him. But this is a "trend" and I want to know why it's a trend. Are women under the impression that because these men are being given a stamp of approval, "we" will be given a stamp of approval for not being perfect?
Think again.
Our popular media is not going to suddenly yank Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson off of the cover of Cosmo and replace them with Melissa McCarthy. It won't happen. There will never be an equivalent "mom bod" phenomena accompanying the "dad bod."
The only "mom bod" that is celebrated is the female body who, just after 6 weeks post-birth, is back in tip-top shape and beach ready.
So why? Why is the standard so different?
A few years ago I was in a clothing store talking to the owner, when her son came in carrying a portfolio. In it was a series of photos of an 18-year old girl trying to break into modeling. She was very slim, very lovely, and then the young man started pointing at certain pictures and saying "Look, you can see her cottage cheese thighs right here." I was shocked. Much to the mother's surprise, (she was an anorexic former model) I laid into him. I made him admit to me that he looked at girlie magazines and porn and then I told him that in real life, most women do have cellulite, and what he's looking at is modified and fake. I also said that if he thinks that a little cellulite is disgusting, he'll never be with a real woman. Ever. So enjoy that hand.
This anecdote is a troubling example of what I see day in, day out, in our beauty culture. Young men are exposed to more and more unrealistic images of beauty, while they are accepted as-is no matter how skinny or chunky they might be. (The young man I chastised was incredibly skinny with no muscle definition, and zero ass, I might add) and he thought he had a right to tear this young woman's appearance apart. More disturbing is that our young women are exposed to it, and frankly, women can't choose the types of bodies they have. We can only control so much.
(Photo courtesy of www.pinterest.com) Incedentally, look how beautiful she is...
I read an article in Cosmo that tried to "help" women feel better while naked by the strategic use of lightning and body makeup to contour their bodies to look thin and curvy at the same time. How are you supposed to enjoy sex when you're worried about how the light is hitting your thighs?
If every woman in America would just say "ENOUGH!" it would change everything. And our entire economy would collapse, probably. No more creams, makeup, pills, plastic surgery, Spanx, weight loss products, fashion and weight-loss focused media and magazines...I mean, THINK about that industry, generating billions each year...just....gone. The beauty industry profits from making us feel like shit about ourselves.
I think most men over the age of thirty have realistic expectations. It's the young men we are raising now, the impressionable young men who only see the airbrushed images and the anorexic porn actresses who need to be the target of our education efforts. We need to teach them that beauty is found in-between the ears of a woman, not her physical form. We need to teach them that making love is the goal, not having sex like a porn star. But that's a whole other blog...There is nothing wrong with being healthy--and no one is perfect.
I think models and actresses could help generate a movement by demanding that no airbrushing, no Photoshopping is allowed on their images. Let the real woman show herself. Let the new mother carry her post-baby weight without being ripped apart by the media.
Kudos to actresses such as Kate Winslet and Jennifer Lawrence, who proudly eschew the industry standard and allow themselves to be a healthy weight. They have both been very vocal about fighting for realistic depictions of women in media.
If our leading men can be real people, why can't our leading women be real, too?
(Photos courtesy of www.eonline.com)
How do we change our culture? Well, only the people with a platform can make a real difference. The media needs to take some responsibility for their actions. We need to hold the media accountable.
Maybe we need to stop supporting the media that pushes unrealistic beauty standards that in turn push our young girls into surgery or bulimia to try and conform. And men can help, too. As consumers, men can start demanding that real women, with real flaws, be made available as examples and that they are more desireable than the airbrushed facades that have thus far been idealized.
So go ahead and celebrate the "dad bod." But let it be an impetus for our culture to learn acceptance and recognition for real women whose beauty comes from the inside as well as the outside. Let's celebrate women in all of their forms, sizes and glory.
After trying on all of my bikinis, I realized this underwear actually showed LESS than the bikinis. I did do some Photoshop--I made sure nothing was see-through, and I changed the light exposure. That's it. The rest is all me in my un-aibrushed, unmodified glory. And I'm proud of my full woman's figure. You should be, too.
If you're one of my kids or relatives seeing this, you can pretend it's a bikini with garters. Go Mom Bods!
Photo courtesy of permission from my husband, my publisher (as of this morning), my dedicated trainer, and an occasional (if not more) cheat day involving pizza and/or pastries.
